Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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