does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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