I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize
