I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
