dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
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"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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