Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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