He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
