Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
