from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
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I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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