Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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