Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
