Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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