So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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