I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
