that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
