I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
