I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
