SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
