Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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