If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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