Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
