If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize