jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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