I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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