she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This is classic penis vs brain.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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