Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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