Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
