I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
His nipple licking is glorious
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