There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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