I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
