Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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