After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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