my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
