Porn is love you can see.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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