Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
