So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
