There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
