i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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