Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize