idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
