I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just gift wrapped bread.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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