I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
