I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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