grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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