When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
