talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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