Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
