I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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