last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
