i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
