You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
