i wish starbucks made bloody marys
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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