So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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