remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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