my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
