Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
