I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Life is so much better after having sex.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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