i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
