Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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