He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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