Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
