he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I want a musical about memes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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