either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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