Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
