Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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