For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
