someone get that fucking seahorse.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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