we have pet lesbian snakes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
