If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
